Woe unto me that I cannot dance. Woe that I cannot live as easily because of it. Nietzche said that “I do not know what the spirit of a philosopher could more wish to be than a good dancer”  What does this mean? I don’t just mean dancing in the way of movement set to music (though I can’t do that either and it might be a symptom of what I’m trying to get at) A dancer ,when trained, doesn’t think about what steps she takes the music starts and they flow out of her, she worked hard at it…..but she has done such a good job at learning that she doesn’t even have to recall her steps they flow out of her as if they were second nature to her. The same applies to a musical perfomer, your fingers and mouth “remember” what you did in such a way that the performer isn’t even conscious of it.  In fact (and how many times does this happen to me) when you start thinking about what steps you have to take in a dance you tend to trip yourself up….a dancer can’t watch their feet, if they do they aren’t really dancing.  There was a show a friend of mine did, a one act called “the man who couldn’t dance”  its about a guy who is meeting the woman he was in love with and coupled with years ago after they have been apart a long time, she has gotten married and had a child with someone else. The guy is an ivy league type, but he can’t get a great job from it……anyway the title comes from this speech he gives where he talks about how his interests and academic background make it difficult to relate to people in an ordinary way, he can’t have a regular conversation with people…..he can’t live life easily…..he “can’t dance” as he says. I often feel the same way. BTW he can’t literally dance either and the show ends with the woman slow dancing with him……but The point is that I feel ike that. Everywhere I see people dancing, everywhere I see the dance and I feel left out. I was blessed or cursed….either way, with a critical mind, which means I practically examine everything, overthink things constantly, constantly second guess myself. And a lot of the time maybe most, I wish I woudn’t I wish I “just dance” I wish I didn’t have to think and worry about figuring out what the right thing was and just do it. I see people make friend with apparent ease and I wish it was that simple to become friends with someone. Thats a kind of dance I want. I see a guy and girl who are just seemingly friends and then all of a sudden they are a couple in love as if by magic, and (if I know them and the topic comes up) when I ask they always say “it just happened”. I wish I could dance like that. Or the guy who just goes up to a girl he only kinda knows and asks her out point blank without worrying what she says, i want to dance like that. I see dancing all over the place and all i can manage to do is trip over my own feet. I’m not a dancer and it pains me that I’m not a dancer. Sometimes I know that I’m hesitant for good reason, and I don’t ever want to come off as cocky, but still I wish I could dance. Perhaps I can tiptoe around Sarte or understand Kant, appreciate philosophy and politics, I can even do alright with biology if I put my mind to it. But in normal social intercourse it seems i can barely manage a box step. This is true intellectually too to a degree instead of tossing and turning ideas around in my head I sometimes wish I could just dance in the truth, but I have to learn the dance first. They say that critics are often the worst performers, and maybe thats the issue with me. But I do want to dance. I don’t always or indeed usually agree with Nietzche ( though he challenges me in many ways, I tend to see him as having largely a viewpoint the opposite of mine) in this case I mostly agree. I want to be a dancer.

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